First things first – I am sorry.
I’m sorry that I made you question your sexuality. It was hard enough for me to come to terms with my feelings and I understand the feeling of guilt and even shame. You were a happy being straight and then I came along and took a wrecking ball to your brain and heart making you wonder if you were bisexual and why would you feel attraction to another fellow female.
I’m sorry for the late nights you spent trying to make sense of your feelings, for all the times you asked yourself if the feelings were real or were you just excited by something new. I’m sorry for all the sleep that thoughts of me stole from you and for all the times I appeared in your dreams, making it seem like I was haunting you.
I’m sorry for the many times you asked yourself things like “What kind of future can you have with a girl?”, “What will your parents say?” and “Why me?”. You didn’t have to torture yourself nor did you have to struggle to redefine yourself for having feelings for me.
I didn’t mean to mislead you, I identified as a lesbian for most of my teenage and adult years. It was the easy explanation to a complicated situation – I was born a girl and I was attracted to females.
It has taken me years (and I still have a long way to go) to finally find a glimpse of myself. I am still on the road to self discovery, I am sorry for putting you through an unnecessary detour on yours.
And for the times you said “If only you were a boy” to me and made me die a little on the inside each time (even for the times you said it to yourself) – it’s okay.
I forgive you.
p.s. To that one lesbian I dated, I’m not sorry – you were a real b*tch.