I’ve officially joined the 30s club – yes I am that old, no I’m not a vampire and yes I do enjoy people’s reaction when I tell them my age. I always get checked for my ID whenever I enter bars, the casino or the liquor store.
One of the more interesting stories is when I had already been ID checked before entering the casino floor and was seated at the Blackjack tables. Halfway through the game, the manager came and stopped the dealer, apologised to the other person at the table and proceeded to ask me for my ID. I gave it to him and he started chuckling to himself. While handing my ID back, he said “I started working here the year you were born”. At that time, I was turning 27.
I’ve never been a fan of my birthday. I do not like celebrating it, I do not enjoy parties or large crowds. And on this day, I choose to spend it mostly with myself – to do some soul searching and just to reflect on what has happened in the past year.
And this year has been a biggie. I’m literally changing my life completely with my transition and a new career direction (fingers crossed). I’m finally making choices for me. I’ve realised that in the past decade I’ve pretty much neglected myself and placed the expectations and needs of others in front of mine – I could write a book on the things that happened and I just might!
While I would like not to have wasted that past decade, it shouldn’t be viewed as a waste and without the experience I wouldn’t be who I am today (as cliche as it sounds). Do I wish I was in a different stage in life now? Yes – but I know that if even if I was given the option to go back in time, I would do (almost) everything exactly the same way.
So instead of wishing to go back in time, or the chance to do things differently, this year I wish to have enough. Been a while since I last wrote and I’m not even sure the following can be classified as a poem but I’m going to give it a try.
To Have Enough
This year I wish
to have enough;
enough confidence,
without being arrogant.Enough love and
kindness in my heart;
enough to give away,
enough to be okay.Enough friends and
family to stay by my side;
to share enough laughter,
and memories to remember.And if what I wish
does not come true;
I’ll wish to never give up,
and that will truly be enough.
Hope you liked it 🙂
Transition Update:
Top surgery is officially 15 days away! I appreciate any help that I can get, so if you’d like to contribute to my fund, please click here.
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