It’s officially the last day of 2015. Time has once again flew past in a blink of an eye, though there were times when it felt like time was frozen still. 2015 has been a very significant year for me to say the least – it has changed my life. Like, seriously.
I’ve decided to summarise my 2015 with 3 Reasons Why 2015 Changed My Life.
1. I Started Transitioning From Female to Male
This is HUGE. I finally took the first step in becoming my authentic self. I know it would be a hard journey ahead but it’s this year that I’ve had the courage to start. Looking back, I wish I had started sooner, but there is a right time for everything.
In just a span of 8 months, I’ve started hormone replacement therapy (HRT), had top surgery and came out to my family and friends as a transman.
I’d like to add a note to this, I’ve recently seen my psychiatrist and she mentioned a young man had been to my blog and that’s what prompted him to start his transition. Apparently my blog had given him the idea that it was an easy journey. I’d like to clarify this – it hasn’t been easy BUT it also wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.
To that young man, please bear in mind that while I may look very young, I’ve been in the work force for almost a decade. I’ve got experience under my belt, money in the bank and I do not have to depend on my parents financially nor would I require their consent in my transition (not legally anyways). So the cost of transitioning is affordable to me (though it has put me in a pinch, it doesn’t break the bank).
Secondly, due to my age, my brain has reached a developmental point of view where I’m fully aware of the pros and cons of transitioning. I am also a lot more capable in handling emotions compared to when I was younger like 18.
For example, when I was told that I would have to have at least two 90 minute sessions (which would cost roughly $500) before I could get the HRT approval letter, my response was “Yep, that’s understandable – let’s get started”. Whereas I’ve seen younger transmen go “Why do I have to pay so much? Medicare should cover it! And why 2 sessions? I shouldn’t have to prove my gender to you – you’re inexperienced and biased against transgenders! You just want my money!”
I’m not saying ALL young transmen act that way, I’m just trying to explain that there is a reason why there are all these procedures in place. It’s not because the psychiatrist or doctor just wants your money or to cover their own asses from getting sued – it’s for your own good.
Transitioning has been an amazing journey (so far) and I’ve only just begun.
2. My Car Got Totaled
In April this year, I was involved in a major car accident. In fact, it was my first ever accident and it wasn’t my fault (obviously, I love my car way too much to drive recklessly). I got rear ended by an idiot who was most likely texting on their phone and got slammed into a big ass car in the front.
Without going into too much detail about the accident, the experience changed my life because it made me realise that a car was just a car. It also made me see that the reason why I loved my car so much was because it was an extension of me and I saw it as proof that I was successful in life.
I had saved for years for that car and I had wanted that particular Honda Civic since it came out sometime in 2006. And I finally had the last of its generation’s design – the 2011 one. Finally getting the keys to my baby was literally a dream come true.
Then it was taken away. I struggled with this and I’ve lost my passion for cars. Till today I don’t really care for my current car – it’s just a car. In fact I had bought this car just because it was built like a tank and it’s economical. That’s all I need from a vehicle.
The fact that I lost it doesn’t mean I failed in life. It’s just a material possession – it doesn’t represent who I am or how successful I am to the world.
The accident has made me realise what truly matters (as cliche as it sounds).
3. I Quit My Job
I’ve spent the last 2 years plus in a job where the company has changed it’s product more times than I can remember. It was an extremely frustrating time because I felt like I wasn’t achieving anything because we kept going back to square one before a product could be launched properly.
I’m in marketing and design so I take great pride in creating and building a brand. But I’ve never once felt happy with what I could create in that job. Mainly cause the main focus of the company kept changing, and cause the products were pretty much horrible. I didn’t lie to my boss, I told him straight up that it wouldn’t work but he insisted – so I did what I was hired to do.
Bad decision. Most of the work went against my principles *cough* MLM *cough* but I justified it to myself by saying it’s just a job and that I needed the money. The harm that job and the environment that I was in was way more than what it was worth.
My self confidence dropped as my opinions were viewed as negative and was forced to “just-do-what-you’re-told”. I would get easily irritated and angry because I wasn’t allowed to do what I was hired to do, not to mention entertain people who have their heads in lala land.
When I started my transition, I became more comfortable in my own skin and finally realised that this torture wasn’t good for me. I would rather take the risk and quit than be intimidated by financial insecurity. The freedom I felt to be rid of such toxic people in my life was amazing.
If all goes well, I would be completing my Bachelor of Psychology next year and hopefully get accepted into PHD. Getting a doctorate is one of my dreams and I will be taking the first step towards it next year. I wouldn’t be on this path if I had continued to let myself be tied down to a job that was sucking the life and soul out of me.
2016, I’m ready for you!
Today is day 115 on T, and 49 days post op. I’ve started working out again, though not to my normal regime, but it sure feels great to be active again.
I finally love the body I am in and I can’t stop taking topless pictures of myself (#sorrynotsorry). I am happy and confident – see for yourself:
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So this is what it feels like to love the body you're in. Day 113 on T and just had my 9th shot on Monday; the last shot for 2015. Bring on 2016! #whatareshirts #sorrynotsorry #transman #ftm #ftmfitness #transandproud #transandshirtless #thisiswhattranslookslike #transguy #asianftm #vitaminT
So confident and different that I actually posted up a video of me singing Justin Bieber’s Love Yourself. Watch at your own risk 😛
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Just for fun. This is how I sound like now when I sing, it's kinda fun to see how low my voice has become and if I can hopefully sing better one day. Still can't believe I just did a #justinbieber cover... I don't blame you if you hate or unfollow me after this 😂😂😂 May or may not remove this video later 😛 #loveyourself #songcovers #stillnotabelieber #transman #transandproud #ftm #f2m #asianftm #selfmademan #boredathome
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